If I Had To Choose
by anatagasuki
Summary: AU. Everything was perfect. Everything was fine. But a test will make a love falter that even a lover won't be able to save it. She decides to take it instead. Marmalade Boy/Hana Yori Dango crossover. Rated T to be safe.


Disclaimers: Wataru Yoshimitsu owns MB.

**If I Had To Choose**

I can't believe it.

If people would be the one to judge, they would absolutely predict that I was jealous of the beautiful super model Shizuka Toudou. But I knew myself better.

Gods, I wasn't one to be infuriated by such a petty envy. I know that Yuu would never ever do anything to hurt me or betray me.

Now I am at the verge of disbelieving that statement I used to grip on wholeheartedly.

Because if he does, he wouldn't agree to be her tutor in the first place in a session place they will be so ALONE. In her bedroom. Every eight on weekends. OVERNIGHT. And to say Shizu likes him is an understatement.

She COMPLETELY loves him.

But when I indirectly disagreed of the said "work", Yuu just laughed it off.

I wonder if he cares how I feel.

No, even the reasons I listed above weren't enough to make me this…distrusting.

Believe me, you would be as doubtful as I am now if you see your commercial model/supermodel/super singing sensation/campus heartthrob boyfriend flirting with his workmate; worst, letting her call him by his first name…

And…

Allowing her to…

…kiss him.

Yeah, kiss him French style on backstage.

It didn't hurt her.

It KILLED her.

She cried all day and night, refused to eat or sleep, her grades all got low. Why? She had longed, anticipated and worked for it. She has sacrificed so much of her. She had herself attached emotionally to him with all her heart.

And there he was, stabbing her behind the back.

How could he…?

Of course, he noticed her sudden change of mood. Her body had lost a considerable amount of weight too.

The godforsaken dimwit, like nothing happened, just asked her concernedly and pretended to be the most truthful and thoughtful fiancée.

How could he…?

She didn't know what had gotten into her. For Satan's sake, she can't figure out why she turned a blind eye and just faked all that she knew.

She can't comprehend on the stupidity she did.

But she knew the raison d'être. Behind her head, she knew that she…

…she can't bear to lose him, no matter how unfaithful it gets.

Why…?

Why had God been so cruel to her? For making her fall helplessly in love with that fuck? The lying bastard?

She had asked why so many times. A million times.

No, she wasn't a fool to let it go. She of course, had asked him on it.

Well, if you consider the question; _'Hey, are you seein' other women or somethin?'_ a rational inquiry, followed by a laugh, then that would be.

She had no guts to ask him straightforward.

She was afraid of what he will say.

What if he proposes a break up?

What if he tells her that he never loved her? That she was just a plaything?

What if he admitted he loved another woman?

Even her soul will perish and burn into thin air.

She can't bear it.

Even the thought of it.

So, like a stupid bitch, she will smile meekly and simply say; 'I'm okay, just tired these days.'

Followed by a; _'Take care, huh? Make yourself always handsome for shoots. Don't forget your lunch, and oh, your water too. And don't flirt with other girls…'_

The last part was meant to be lighthearted always, but she can't help but notice the glint of guilt in his eyes whenever he would hear it.

And so, she changed the topic, afraid of his hesitation, that he might admit his infidelity. She would say…

'_And come home…safe…and whole.'_

She wanted to own him still. Have a right with him. Even though the very sight of him pains me way too much.

I'm really a masochist. C'mon, scorn me about it. Shake my head and wake me up.

But you won't. You can't. No one could.

Even me myself.

I will love Yuu even to the brink of leadless futility.

I wish that all I saw and heard weren't true; that he actually didn't deceive me with that woman, but no matter how much I dreamed of it, I knew I failed to change the stated fact.

That Yuu is in an affair with Shizuka Toudou, fooling her.

Somehow she can't see the reason why they did this to her.

Even her friends.

Yes, Meiko, Satoshi and Namura all knew.

Why…?

She considered them as her best friends, especially Meiko.

Why had she not told her?

Had she intended to keep this from her and hurt her all the way?

How could they…?

Everyone. Her father, now married with another woman, who never seemed to notice her anymore. Her friends, her 'friends', whom she thought had cared about her, who left her behind. And Yuu, her only sanctuary, who had replaced her with another girl.

Yet, she knew she will never breathe a word about this. She will, now and forever, be blind, deaf and mute to all the treachery around her.

She wanted to shout at the top of her lungs all her emotions, wanting to explode like supernovas and volcanoes dormant for years. She could never release it.

No, she can't.

A gush of tears fell from her eyes as she lulled herself to sleep, willing to face a new day after sunrise…maybe new hopes waiting to be awakened.

"M-Miki…"

She turned, immediately wiped her tears and put a false smile.

"Yuu?"

The look in his eyes frightened her. He looked like he was going to confess something.

She sat up immediately. "Yuu, I love you."

He bowed in despair as she gazed on, tears falling uncontrollably on her eyes once more.

"Yuu…don't do this…"

He sat on her bed and placed a hand on her shoulder, but she cowered away, shaking her head softly.

"Sleep now; just forget about this."

She tucked herself down and turned her back on him.

"Miki, I do love you, I really do…" he replied soothingly, aware that she was crying. He eased his fingers as they tumbled with her hair. "I'm sorry, it would never happen again…"

She shook her head slightly, persuading him to leave.

Which he heeded.

Yes, every now and then, she will always choose to love him, no matter how unbearable and intolerable it could be. She will go through hell itself just to be with him.

**END**

A/N: It's terrible. But for me to improve, please review. I'm just a newbie here…so…uhm…flames, critisms, suggestions and comments are all accepted. Even challenging plots. Everything. I'd try my best to comply to your wishes as long as I can.


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